Facing Loss with Faith

The fear of being alone is very real for many. For some, simply living alone keeps them awake at night. Some stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships because, to them, it’s better than being alone. Some spouses feel alone even within their marriage, while others fear losing their spouse and facing life alone.

I fall into that last category.

Five months ago, my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. He is currently battling both liver and colon cancers with chemotherapy.

I sucked in my breath at the thought that I might become a widow this year or next—though I’m praying for healing and many more years together.

Many questions churned in my mind, but one stood out most: How can the God of love take a loved one away? It feels so cruel.

I wrestled with this, especially with God’s role in how death could possibly come from love—because I know He is a God of love. I prayed through this unsettling thought.

These are the realizations that are helping me accept the idea of being a widow—and helping me understand the reality of God’s love for those who trust Him:

We all have an appointed time to die. In Ecclesiastes, the Bible says there is a time to be born and a time to die. It’s an inevitable fact of life.

Losing my husband’s mother (who lived with us), my parents, and my younger sister made this truth sink in even deeper. Death is the inescapable end of our journey on earth—but it’s also the beginning of our next life: either with Christ, or without Him.

If God calls Tom home before my time is up, I’m comforted knowing he’ll be in a better place. And I’ll be there too, someday—and forever—because we both believe that Jesus came to earth as God incarnate to reconcile us to Himself. We believe everything He said is true and that it’s been preserved in the Bible, because He promised His Word would always remain:

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”
— Matthew 24:35

As a prospective widow, one concern I had was: Who will help me take care of things if something big comes up—something I feel helpless about? I felt some anxiety.

Anxiety can play a major role in the fear of being alone. It often begins before the loneliness even arrives. It’s the anticipation of all the “what ifs…” that haven’t even happened yet.

I remembered a verse:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
— Matthew 6:34

One day at a time. Be gentle with yourself.

Most of us have someone we rely on for something important—someone who advises us when things get critical. A spouse, a mother, a father—someone. But if that person passes away, we are not left alone. Through Christ, we have that needed help.

When we think we’re alone, we really aren’t—because we have real help when we turn to the One who made us and loves us:

“My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
— Psalm 121:1

In 1 Kings 17, during a severe drought, God told Elijah to visit a widow in Zarephath who lived with her son. She welcomed him, and Elijah asked her to use her last bit of flour and oil to make him a cake. Without questioning, she complied.

Miraculously, they had more than enough for all of them—and they never ran out of food during the drought, even while others did.

Jesus later emphasized how God helps those who accept and listen to Him:

“Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in his hometown. I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land. Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon.”
— Luke 4:24–26

Jesus was showing that although there were many widows in Israel, they had rejected Elijah—and by extension, rejected God. So God sent Elijah to help someone outside of Israel, a Gentile widow who would receive him. This demonstrated that God's grace and provision extend beyond boundaries to those with open hearts.

In 2 Kings 4, another widow approached the prophet Elisha. A creditor of her late husband, who had been a prophet himself, was threatening to take her sons as slaves to settle a debt. Elisha asked what she had in the house. She said she only had a small jar of olive oil.

Elisha instructed her to gather as many empty vessels as she could from her neighbors and pour her oil into them. She obeyed—and miraculously, the oil filled every vessel. With what remained, she was able to sell the oil, pay off her debts, and still have enough to live on.

A Few Practical Tips
While God provides for us in miraculous and powerful ways, He also calls us to be wise and prepared in the practical details of daily life. Even if you are not anticipating being left alone any time soon, it is helpful to be aware of the stuff our spouses usually take responsibility for. Think about: all bank accounts, when bills are due each month, how to turn off the water to the house, how to drain the pool when it's about to overflow from too much rain, how to set the sprinkler system, how to do laundry or make meals, etc.

“The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous.”
—Proverbs 15:29

“We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who
does his will.”
—John 9:31

He hears us, he responds and moves mightily for us.

“And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
—Matthew 28:20

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the
Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you”
—Deuteronomy 31:6

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen
you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
—Isaiah 41:10

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
—Psalm 90:12

"LORD, make me to know my end and what is the measure of my days, that I may
know how frail I am."
—Psalm 39:4

Because our lives are finite, every person in my life and everything I have—my home, my pets, my possessions—could be here today and gone tomorrow. I thank Him deeply for what I have, and I truly appreciate and treasure it all.

It’s by loving God first, and then loving others, that we become our best selves. That’s how we grow in our relationship with God and grow in love. And when we do, we not only make our own lives better—we make others’ lives better, too.

The thread of God’s love is woven throughout the Bible—from the Old Testament through the New Testament—addressing people’s fears, giving them victories in battle, saving them just in time, sustaining, protecting, rescuing, and providing for them during famine, drought, captivity, plagues, and fire.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
— Psalm 46:1

There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. God noticed this first with Adam and gave him Eve. That is why God gave us family and friends—and our church family—so we won’t be lonely.

Our provisions and sources of help are not based on whether we are married or how many family members and friends we have. They are based on our relationship with God and others. How we love others is an indicator of how we love God. Also, when we love others, we won’t be isolated or feel lonely.

It is those who reject God who should be concerned.

As I look to my future, I accept that I may be a widow, but I have a loving family and friends who will brighten my days. There is much to look forward to because the God of love is there for me:

“We put our hope in the Lord; he is our help and shield.”
— Psalm 33:20