Scoring Points with Your Spouse

Written by Sherri Bergmann

For the next six months football will dominate fans’ attention much of the week and weekends – with NFL games all day on Sundays, evenings after work on Mondays and Thursdays, and college games on Saturdays.

While football sometimes brings families and friends together, especially during the holidays, some feel left out, and a game can seem to last an excruciating long time.

Some curse the game that keeps their spouse glued to the couch and radar-focused on the screen while they and their children feel tuned out for a quarter of the day.

Although there are women who are just as, or more, consumed by football as men, survey shows that 51% of men are avid NFL fans compared to 24% of women, and 19% of men are not fans at all while 42% of women couldn’t care less. The rest are considered casual fans.¹

For those who resent the football season, it can be easy to harbor bitterness if you feel placed lower in priority to the game and things become out-of-balance, especially if you both work. You end up taking the kids to their extracurricular activities as well as pick them up, and pick up the slack with home responsibilities to prevent things from falling through the cracks.

HOW TO STAY ON THE SAME TEAM
Instead of calling a friend or family member to be a referee, first seek God. Remember the love He has for you, and the love He wants you to have for each other. As a sports team learns to work together to win, find ways to work together to make your relationship a winning one. Don’t let Satan blindside you to knock both of you out of the game. The goal is to let love win, and God is love (1 John 4:8).

"Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind." —Philippians 2:2

"So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other." —1 Corinthians 12:25

It’s how we respond to an issue that brings us closer to Christ or away from him. When you follow Christ and respond with love, you’ll also grow closer to your spouse.

IDEAS TO BALANCE WORK, FAMILY, AND FOOTBALL

• Take turns taking children to their activities and picking them up. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays are ideal days for football fans to help with this. Alternate weekends. 
• Make a non-football night date night and hire a sitter. Or for free, take turns with other parents to watch the kids, and see a movie at home and make popcorn.
• Agree to do the dishes, take out the garbage, laundry, etc. during commercials and clean up after the game. The bigger the party, the bigger the mess – you’ll score points for taking care of this. 
• Game ran overtime? If your spouse has been wanting a break from the baby/kids, realizing the length of the game time, offer to compensate for the extra time. Let your spouse go out while you stay home and care for the baby/kids, or take the children out instead to an enjoyable place. 
• Use commercials as an opportunity to touch base, kiss and remind each other of your love. Yes, a lot of money is spent on commercials, but who is more important to pay attention to if your spouse feels less important than the game?
• Prioritize games to watch to balance the weekend. 
• Take a break at half time to connect with your spouse.
• Get the kids involved. Educate them on the basics of the game and the rules, explain why the referee made a call. Have them call out a penalty when they see one. Why the penalty wasn’t called on can lead to a fun conversation. Who can yell “Touchdown!” the loudest, and do the victory dance the best? Wear team colors attire. Order pizza. Good food and the time together can create fond memories that last a lifetime.
• Express appreciation to your spouse for their efforts to demonstrate love, not just during football time, but year-round.

FOR THOSE WHO COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT FOOTBALL

• If you want to do something on a Saturday or Sunday, give your fanatic fan the opportunity to plan around it. Provide notice two weeks ahead of time that you want the family to go to the Harvest festival together and that your spouse needs to plan 4 hours on that day for the family to go.
• You can enjoy family and time with friends during the game. Invite your child/children’s friends, and their parents, to join and catch up. Even if you aren’t into the game, such time can enhance relationships.
• Involve the children in making game time appetizers and snacks. Have them choose what to make.
• If you don’t have children, this is a great time to indulge in “Me Time”. Enjoy a book, a movie, ask your church if they need help with a project. Develop a hobby. Don’t worry about housework. Remember, your spouse has agreed to help with chores on commercials. Since football can take up a lot of time during the week, you’ll have more time to do what you want, and grow closer to God.

IT ISN'T JUST FOOTBALL
The concern really isn’t on how much time is spent watching football, but to realize how we manage our time in general. Some people spend more time on their hobby (their horse, car, etc.) throughout the year. Some develop an obsession or addiction that excludes the most important people in their life and can lose them. Proverbs 11:29 warns us, “He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind.”

WINNING TOGETHER
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." —Philippians 2:3-6

Balancing our family, friends and what we enjoy within the precious commodity God gives us – time – are winning strategies for successful relationships and life.

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