Loving the Unlovable
Written by Sherri Bergmann
An unlovable person is someone who does not love others, or someone others find difficult to love. You may know people who are so bitter inside that they intentionally try to hurt you, emotionally or physically. Think of the bully in school, perhaps a toxic sibling or parent who abuses you, a coworker who negatively criticizes your work in front of others, or a grouchy grandparent who finds fault with everything. Misery may like company to complain to, but company doesn’t like being with misery. People don’t like others who want to pull them down.
Rather than turning away from these individuals, we are called to lift them up instead.
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (Luke 6:27-28)
This is the challenge for those who love God. Because Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God first, and love others – we are also to love those who don’t love others. He even commands us to love our enemies. He didn’t make any exceptions about who we should or should not love.
If a person is abusive, whether physically, emotionally, or verbally, it may not be safe to remain around them or have contact with them. In such cases, we can still pray for them – for their healing, that they may find Christ, and for God’s blessings upon them.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:11)
So, how do we go about loving those who are hard to love?
HOW TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE
If we tell others we are Christians, they will take note. If we return evil for evil, they won’t see anything different about us. If we do not look any different than the world, we can’t positively influence our adversary, nor bring him to Christ. But if we love the unlovable, they will see and feel the difference, their perspective can shift from dark to bright, they can be transformed by Christ, and become lovable because God is love.
If we abide in Christ, and Christ abides in us, His spirit is manifested in us and allows the fruits of the Spirit to flourish, which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
The unrooted becomes rooted, the hostile becomes good-tempered, the hard heart turns soft, the negative-focused become positive-focused, and hatred turns into love.
Throughout our lives we will encounter unlovable people. Whether they are a family, team members, classmates, coworkers, or strangers, they present opportunities for us to love them instead of trying to find ways to avoid them.
REAL LOVE
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13) While we may want to avoid someone and do something we’d rather do, if we take the time to find ways to love and uplift them – with God’s help – over time, an enemy may become a friend, and difficult times may become sweet.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) The first definition in these verses is that love is patient. It means having patience in trusting God's timing for your prayers to be answered in helping the person. It could take many years, but because the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases (Lamentations 3:22), we should never give up on loving others.
But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. (Luke 6:35-26) Another reason to remain steadfast in showing love.
A greater incentive for not giving up on showing love is that your oppressor can come to know Jesus, be transformed by His amazing love, and begin to uplift and love others. However, their acceptance of Christ may not happen until their final hour, like the repentant sinner who was crucified with Jesus. It may have been your love that reached them and led them to turn to Christ. That’s what truly matters.
An unlovable person is someone who does not love others, or someone others find difficult to love. You may know people who are so bitter inside that they intentionally try to hurt you, emotionally or physically. Think of the bully in school, perhaps a toxic sibling or parent who abuses you, a coworker who negatively criticizes your work in front of others, or a grouchy grandparent who finds fault with everything. Misery may like company to complain to, but company doesn’t like being with misery. People don’t like others who want to pull them down.
Rather than turning away from these individuals, we are called to lift them up instead.
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (Luke 6:27-28)
This is the challenge for those who love God. Because Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God first, and love others – we are also to love those who don’t love others. He even commands us to love our enemies. He didn’t make any exceptions about who we should or should not love.
If a person is abusive, whether physically, emotionally, or verbally, it may not be safe to remain around them or have contact with them. In such cases, we can still pray for them – for their healing, that they may find Christ, and for God’s blessings upon them.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:11)
So, how do we go about loving those who are hard to love?
HOW TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE
- Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:10) Love does no harm. We don’t hurt them back by words or actions.
- You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matt 5:43-44) Plead your case to God. Even though He knows what we’re thinking and what should be done, He wants us to talk to Him. He wants us to ask Him for what we want, and He wants us to follow Him. Love Him first and love others, even those who hurt us. Pray for the persecution to stop. Pray the persecutor’s heart changes. Ask God to show you how to love your antagonist.
- Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13) Forgive them every time they sin against you. 70 times 7, meaning always. If we don’t, Jesus explains, This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. (Matthew 18:21-35)
- Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21) Conquer evil with goodness, and a person can be overcome by love.
- The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. (2 Peter 3:9) Don’t have revenge. In His own time, God will have vengeance if He sees fit. The hope is that the persecutor will repent, be forgiven by God, receive His mercy, and become a new creation in Christ. Our love can help them to change.
- If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For by doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. (Proverbs 25:22 and Romans 12:20) When we show kindness to someone who has wronged us, they may feel a burning sense of shame, sorrow, or regret, and God can bring conviction to their dark heart.
If we tell others we are Christians, they will take note. If we return evil for evil, they won’t see anything different about us. If we do not look any different than the world, we can’t positively influence our adversary, nor bring him to Christ. But if we love the unlovable, they will see and feel the difference, their perspective can shift from dark to bright, they can be transformed by Christ, and become lovable because God is love.
If we abide in Christ, and Christ abides in us, His spirit is manifested in us and allows the fruits of the Spirit to flourish, which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
The unrooted becomes rooted, the hostile becomes good-tempered, the hard heart turns soft, the negative-focused become positive-focused, and hatred turns into love.
Throughout our lives we will encounter unlovable people. Whether they are a family, team members, classmates, coworkers, or strangers, they present opportunities for us to love them instead of trying to find ways to avoid them.
REAL LOVE
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13) While we may want to avoid someone and do something we’d rather do, if we take the time to find ways to love and uplift them – with God’s help – over time, an enemy may become a friend, and difficult times may become sweet.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) The first definition in these verses is that love is patient. It means having patience in trusting God's timing for your prayers to be answered in helping the person. It could take many years, but because the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases (Lamentations 3:22), we should never give up on loving others.
But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. (Luke 6:35-26) Another reason to remain steadfast in showing love.
A greater incentive for not giving up on showing love is that your oppressor can come to know Jesus, be transformed by His amazing love, and begin to uplift and love others. However, their acceptance of Christ may not happen until their final hour, like the repentant sinner who was crucified with Jesus. It may have been your love that reached them and led them to turn to Christ. That’s what truly matters.
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